Our Nepal Adoption Journey

The rest of the story . . .

2010-01-29T11:17:00.000-08:00

When I started this blog, I gave a brief history of our experiences in the international adoption world, but I said very little about what brought us to this decision. Now, things have happened in our life that's changed everything, and I feel the need to share our entire story. So here it is.

I always knew I wanted children some day, but the birth of our niece in Jan. 2006 was what helped us make the decision to finally start a family. We tried to have a child for a year. All the "experts" say that if you don't get pregnant in a year there is usually a problem, so we began the first round of infertility testing. The first of what eventually became three different infertility diagnoses had us ending up at a fertility clinic. We were supposed to have a small, fixable problem, but were told they wouldn't even treat us until we'd succombed to another battery of tests and spent thousands of dollars, nevermind the invasiveness (and possibility of failure) of it all. Chris and I decided it wasn't worth it. We'd met several people who'd had successful international adoptions, so we decided that adoption was the route for us.

By this time, it was August 2007 and as I stated in my first blog entry, we chose an adoption with Vietnam. One year later, Vietnam was closed and we were back to square one on the adoption front. We started the Nepal paperwork, but also revisited the idea of a pregnancy. This time, our first diagnosis was proven wrong, we received a second diagnosis, I underwent a surgical procedure to correct it, and ended up with a third and very final infertility diagnosis: I had blocked fallopian tubes, could only get pregnant through in-vitro fertilization, and if I were to get pregnant on my own, it would most likely be ectopic. In-vitro is very expensive and only has a 40% success rate, so we gave up on pregnancy for good and focused all our hopes on Nepal.

That was August 2008. In April 2009, I took a pregnancy test, convinced that I was sad, pathetic, and crazy to even think I might be pregnant after all we'd been through, but it was true. I was pregnant. The doctors had me in the office for an ultrasound immediately, but it wasn't ectopic. There was a small black spot in my uterus, exactly where it was supposed to be. And now, nine months later, we have a baby daughter. She's beautiful, healthy, and wonderful.

How did this happen? We're really not sure. Perhaps I was just one of the 12% of women who have a false reading on the dye test. Perhaps it was the hot yoga classes I started in September (a fantastic exercise), or perhaps it was all the people who'd prayed for us over all of this. I suppose we'll never know.

So where does that leave us on the adoption front? I'm afraid nowhere. Now that our daughter is here and a part of our household, we have to officially change all of our paperwork. Nepal's rule is that we have to wait six months. Also, they have a birth order rule that says we can't adopt a child older than the children already a part of the household. So essentially, our adoption journey in that country is at an end, for all of our paperwork would expire before we're eligible for an adoption there. We could change programs and pursue an adoption in a new country, but that would put us back to square one not only on paperwork, but also on money.

At this point, I truly feel that we need to focus on the family we have and worry about expansion later. Even with the joy of our new family, it's hard to let go of the child we'd already had in our hearts. I know that there are plenty of hopeful adoptive parents out there for the children who need them, and I sincerely hope that they all find each other soon.

And now, as the late Paul Harvey would say, you know the rest of the story.

Cecelia Bo (born 1/6/10)

Fall Break

2009-10-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

What a difference a week can make. I had all these projects planned for the summer and didn't get a single one done, and then over Fall Break we knocked out about four or five projects. Our future baby's room is cleaned out, paint touched up, curtains hung. . . it's looking real nice. My dad helped me hang some shelves. We switched out an old, ugly light fixture for something we liked, and we bought furniture! Pretty soon our practically empty bonus room will be a cozy den for the family. One of these days I'll post pictures. It's fun getting the house ready to hold more than two people who, at the moment, often aren't even there.

On the adoption front, before the Nepalese holidays started, quite a few people received referrals and several traveled and completed adoptions. I'm not sure of the total numbers, but it was more than just the first three. Our agency feels that we may receive a referral any day now. I'm still thinking it'll be sometime in 2010, but it'd be nice if they are right.

News at last

2009-09-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

It's been over two months since I've posted. Last time, I was looking forward to a busy summer of home help. Now, I'm back at work and busier than ever. There's really two reasons I haven't posted. The primary one is because until this past week, there's been absolutely no movement in Nepal adoption (with the exception of people moving out of the program). The other reason is because I was ashamed of not finishing all those home projects I'd planned in June. Oh well, there's always fall break . . .

Anyway, to the adoption news! Two things have happened this past week. One is that the original three families who were matched with children back in May have been invited to travel. I know that two of the families have already left. Can you imagine? They found out they were traveling on Monday and had to leave on Thursday! And pack for a three week trip! They were so happy, though. And now, their waiting is over.

The other thing that happened this week is that Nepal has finally appointed a new minister over the Ministry of Women and Children. This is the move the rest of us have been waiting for. Now, hopefully, the rest of us will begin receiving referrals for children and invitations to travel.

As for Chris and me, we don't expect our adoption to happen this year. Even though we submitted our dossier in January, we think there was a problem with our guarantee letter, so we're not sure exactly where we stand in the waiting line. Rumor has it that there are around 150 families matched with children and the referrals are waiting to be released. We're not sure if we are part of that group. Even if we are, by the time all the paperwork goes through, it will still probably early next year before we can travel. With everything going on at home right now, next year will be just fine for us.

I hope everything goes well for the three families on their way to Nepal!

Update

2009-06-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month since I've written. It's not really been so much a lack of time as a lack of news. A month ago we were expecting a referral "any day." Now, it's another stop and slow down of the process. Nepal has announced that they will not be sending out any referrals for the next month. First of all, they do not have a minister for this department, and they have to have one in order to sign some of the paperwork. They also cited technical problems as another reason for the slow down. No one really knows what this means. Rumor has it that there is somewhere around 100 matches completed and ready to be sent to hopeful families, but if that's true, they have not been sent out yet.

Here at home we've had a very successful garage sale, a good vacation, and then a vacation from the vacation. Now, I'm ready to get some more stuff done around the house for the summer. The future nursery is almost back to normal. I've got some touch-up painting a want to do, and I also want to refinish an old kitchen table I have and add it to the bonus room. It'll be great for scrapbooking, game playing, and perhaps a future homework station. I'll post some pictures when I'm finished.

School's out for summer!

2009-05-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is the best time of year for teachers. Another school year is behind us and we have 10 full weeks of freedom ahead! My first order of business will be Spring Cleaning! We're going on a massive mission to de-clutter our house. In two weeks we're having a yard sale and anything that doesn't sell is going to goodwill. Two weeks from now, I shall once again have an empty "nursery." Then, we're heading out for a full week at Virginia Beach. I can't wait.

Our home visit went well despite the fact that our future nursery looks like a storage facility. We've received the updated homestudy and will be sending it in for our renewal soon. Things are going smoothly for the adoption. Now, if only we will get a referral. . .

From what I understand, the three "test" referrals that Nepal sent out were accepted by the families and are on their way back to Kathmandu. With any luck, this will lead to Nepal sending out some more.

Getting Closer?

2009-05-09T06:11:00.000-07:00

Referrals have begun! A family on the yahoo adoption groups received a referral yesterday! Rumor has it that 25 or more matches have been made and some have been mailed (that's snail mail--from Nepal), and now one has been received. Our agency believes that we may be part of that first group of matches, but they can't be sure, and they can't be sure when we'll receive word if we were. It's definitely exciting. I'm on high alert until we know something more.

Our home visit was put off until this week. I won't be able to take the day off work to prepare for it, but I have all day today to straighten the house up a bit better. It's pretty clean, I've just got to do something with some of the clutter we seem to collect on a daily basis.

My friend Melanie and her husband are on their way RIGHT NOW to pick up their daughter in Taiwan. I'm so excited for them. She's an adorable little infant girl. They've been working on their adoption for three years or more, and I can't wait to see them get home with her at long last.

Adoptions on the horizon?

2009-04-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

One of our fellow adoption families has reported that the matching in Nepal has begun! This is very exciting news because most of the families have been waiting since January or February and without any matching taking place, there was no way to know when anything would happen. So, hopefully, we will hear more soon and find out how quickly (or slowly) things will begin to happen for everyone.

We're still working on getting our visa approval renewed. It's set to expire in June, and there's a limit to how early we can send in the renewal paperwork. So, our social worker is coming back for another home visit this week. I'm not sure what this will entail, but I'm planning a day off so I can make the house look good. I know that it's not really necessary, but boy do I want a day off anyway!

Our "future nursery" has slowly turned in to a junk room. I guess that's bound to happen when you just have a big empty room sitting around where you never go. A year and a half ago, it was completely empty and freshly painted. Now, you can hardly walk in there. I assure you, it started out innocent enough. . . tossing things in that were found or given to us for the baby. Then Christmas came along and it became a great wrapping/decoration/gift storage headquarters. Somehow, it's just escalated from there. I'm planning a big yard sale in June, but what should I do with all this stuff for now? I'm hoping to just get it as neat as I can for the social worker and spend this summer making it a child's room again.

We're Back

2009-03-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

Spring Break is one of the best things about being a teacher. Just when you think you may not be able to make it another minute, you get a week off and come back ready to go again. Chris and I just got back from a much needed vacation. Perhaps it will be our last one as a family of two.

We're slowly plugging away at getting everything completed for the renewal. We did find out that the paperwork we had done last summer when we made the switch to Nepal is still good, so that has cut down on much of the list and made us feel better. We still have to have our social worker come back for a visit, however, but we have time.

We have heard little or nothing from Nepal. The adoption group we are a part of is filled with rumors regarding numbers in queue, test dossiers, and when matching will start, but the bottom line is that no one really knows what's going on or when anything will begin moving. I don't think anyone will know until the first matches are made. I totally get this. After all, it is a new program and Nepal wants to be very careful. We've been told that we must have our social work go back and notarize each page of our homestudy (versus just the final page). She's in China right now, so we have to wait until she gets back to have this done. I'm not sure if this will have any affect on where our dossier is at the Ministry or not.

Hopefully we'll hear something soon.

Fact and Fiction

2009-02-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

It's been three weeks since my last post, and I know I need to update everyone on where we're standing. There's not a whole lot of hard facts coming out of Nepal right now, so I'll just tell what we're hearing.

First off, and this is a fact, our I-171 (visa approval) is going to expire in early June. This basically means that we have three months to re-do ALL the paperwork we did when we first began this process a year and a half ago. Our social worker has to come back for a visit and our homestudy has to to be re-done. For some reason, I find this very disheartening. It's like starting over, again, with nothing to show for the first effort. I've got a basket full of eggs and no chickens.

The rest of this post is strictly hearsay and should not be taken as fact. I'm just reporting what we've been hearing from other couples on the internet, their agencies and our agency.

Apparently, Nepal has not made any referrals for adoptions at this time (that is, not matched any children with parents). From what we understand, the orphanages are still working on health screenings and eligibility for adoption with the children they have. We're hearing that it will be at least three months before referrals begin. Travel will be about three months after referral. We also do not expect to be one of the first families to receive a referral because they've already announced that referrals will begin with older and special needs children. With all of this in mind, I think we'll be lucky if we have our child before the year is out. It may even be longer than that.

Hopefully, we'll hear some positive news soon.

Tick tock

2009-02-07T06:37:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I've posted, so I feel I ought to update everyone although there isn't really anything to update. Our last (maybe) piece of paperwork left the country to join our dossier a week ago, so it should be arriving in Nepal right about now, but I haven't heard this for certain. Hopefully we'll get an update in the next few days.

Several of my online contacts have gotten their dossiers submitted. Congratulations to you if you're reading this! I think this is a good sign as everyone is proceeding forward at what seems like a fairly smooth pace. Now, we have to sit back at wait for a referral. We're all anxious to see how fast this begins to happen.

Right now work is keeping me pretty busy so I don't think about the wait too much, but when summer comes, I think I may be beside myself in anticipation!

That wasn't too bad

2009-01-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

We got our psychological evaluation done this afternoon. We called around to every office or center we could find and discovered that this is a fairly common procedure in international adoption today. The doctor who did ours said he did one recently for a couple who were on their second adoption from the same country. They didn't have to have it done the first time.

Anyway, it was a fairly painless procedure. He interviewed both of us separately, then he had us take a personality test that looked for any psychological issues we may have. He plugged our answers into the computer, and it spat out our results. Now he's going to write a letter for each of us that explains what he did and the results, get it notarized, and we'll be able to pick it up in a day or two.

There's been a lot of talk online about whether this has to be done and who it has to be done by. All I know is that our agency told us to do it this way, and that's what we're doing. It can't hurt, right? Unless, of course, it turns out that we are not mentally stable enough to be parents.

That didn't last long

2009-01-24T17:23:00.000-08:00

Well, I suppose it was too good to be true. We found out the other day that we need some paperwork that we haven't had done. We have to get a psych evaluation done by a certified psychologist. We submitted something from our primary physician, but they are asking for something more formal. We've gotten the names of several places in our area, so now we need to find out who can fit us in the soonest so we can get this done.

Our agency says that Nepal is going to starting matching in February, and that they are expecting at least three months between referral and travel. I don't know where waiting for this paper is going to put us. We may no longer be in the queue at this point, and I think it will take 2-3 weeks for us to get it done and the new letter to find its way back to Kathmandu. By that time, we may have dropped behind by months. There's really no way to know. We've just got to do what we're told and hope for the best.

Let the waiting begin

2009-01-18T17:44:00.000-08:00

The news is in! We heard from our agency today. Our dossier has been submitted to the ministry and we are officially in the queue!! As long as nothing is wrong with the paperwork, and so far nothing's been said, we should be receiving a referral AT ANY TIME. Now, I don't expect it to happen tomorrow or anything, but still, it feels really good to know that our next step should be receiving a picture of a child that's been chosen as ours.

It's hard to express the excitement I feel at this time. It's been nearly a year since we submitted our dossier to Vietnam, and that didn't work out so well, but this time it feels much more real. With Vietnam, we knew we were at the bottom of a long waiting list, but this time, we should be much closer to the top. While we really have no idea how long the wait is from here, I think it will happen this time.

Waiting for an update. . .

2009-01-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

So far in my nearly six year teaching career, school has been canceled for the weather being 1) too windy (we got hit by the outer edge of Katrina), 2) too hot (last August's 100+ degree heat), and now, 3) too cold (apparently it was 2 degrees when the little tykes would have been waiting for the bus). I don't mind because this unexpected free day is giving me a chance to finally put away my Christmas decorations! Good-bye tree, hello more space!

As far as adoption news goes, we overnighted our notarized application last Friday. Our agency received it on Saturday. Now she's got to do a cover letter and send it out to Nepal. We haven't heard yet if or when that will be completed. So, that will be our next news--that our dossier is sitting in the hands of the Ministry. For now, we wait.

I never said in my last post what we had decided about the whole age/gender issue and the limitations of the application. Well, we ended up checking the box for both a boy and a girl, and put a note that we are okay with either gender. For age, we checked the zero to twelve month box and put a note that we will accept a child up to 18 months. Our agency said they would include that information in the cover letter as well. Hopefully this will suffice. If not, I guess we'll hear about it.

Time to get busy on this house. . .

Last piece?

2009-01-10T09:31:00.000-08:00

The application Nepal has required is finished! We had to take pictures of the house. I managed to pick up and put away enough Christmas stuff to get some pretty good pictures. With four pets in the house who like to follow me wherever I go, almost every pic has one of them in it. I hope that's okay. Chris said the Nepalese government is going to wonder what kind of zoo we have going on when they see the pictures.

We also had to do to passport style photos. It was kind of a nervous feeling to see our faces at the top of the application. Someone somewhere will pick up that application, see us, and decide to match us with a child.

So now, it is with our agency in Pennsylvania. Our rep has to put it all together with a cover letter, then it's off to Nepal and finally on to the desk of the Ministry. When they re-opened, the Ministry limited applications to ten per agency per year. While I think this is a good thing to keep them from getting too overwhelmed right off the bat, some agencies already have more parents than that ready to go. I hate it for them, but it is possible that Nepal will loosen these limits if things go well. At our agency, we are one of six families in the Nepal program, so this limit has not affected us.

In the meantime, it's back to work for Chris and me. My classes are great so far, but I have a lot of students, so that means lots of work! Also, I STILL haven't taken down my Christmas tree and I have company coming next weekend. It's kind of sad that I'm hoping for a snow day just so I can get my house in order!

Application News

2009-01-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

We received word from our agency today on what we need to do to officially apply for adoption from Nepal. We've already put together a standard dossier and received I-171 approval (that's for immigration purposes). Now, Nepal is asking that we fill out and notarize their application. We also need to put some more photos together of the house. I need to take some, but I'm ashamed to say that my Christmas decorations are still up. I'd rather the pics just be of our house as it normally is.

Once we do this paperwork, it will go to our agency and the rep in Nepal. They have a few more things to add as well, then we will be on our way to a Nepal adoption!

We have a couple of decisions to make according to this application, however. The application lets you choose gender. We had decided to ask for either. So, should we keep the request as either? Can we? Or, should we go ahead and select a boy because we will probably then get a referral sooner? Also, the age bracket we had chosen was 0-18 months. The Nepal age choices are 0-12 months or 1-3 years. It appears as though we will need to either lower or raise our age range. We'll have to sit down and discuss what we really want before we send all of this off.

I'm very excited, but very nervous, too. Pretty soon, all we will have to do is wait for the call that we have been matched with a child. I hope it happens soon.

Our story in a nutshell

2009-01-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

My name is Daphne, and I'm married to a great man named Chris. We've been married for close to seven years and live in a sweet little community near Nashville, TN. I've started this blog for several reasons, all related to our upcoming adoption. I want my family and friends to keep up with us while we go through the adoption, especially when we're out of the country. Also, I've gotten so much support and hope by reading other parents' adoption blogs that I hope I can do the same for other hopeful parents out there. So, here is our story so far.

In August, 2007, we made the decision to adopt a child. We signed up with an agency to facilitate the adoption of a baby girl in Vietnam. In February 2008 our dossier was in Vietnam, and rumors of Vietnam ending adoptions with the US were swirling. By June, the writing was on the wall and our agency advised us to make another decision. We were in the bottom twenties on the list of waiting parents at the agency and they did not expect to receive any more referrals. Our hearts were broken, and our agency did not have any other programs that were a good fit for us. After nearly a year in the international adoption process, we were right back where we started, only a bit poorer.

We began our search for a new agency and new program to join. We looked into quite a few and even applied for one before quickly changing our minds (a good thing since there have been recent reports of problems with this country). Eventually, we read up on Nepal and how they had announced plans to re-open to foreign adoptions soon. We found an agency with a good reputation and who had worked in Nepal before, and signed up.

Since then, we've updated our homestudy, changed our I-171, and re-done our dossier. Then, we waited for Nepal to officially re-open. As much as I wanted to start an adoption blog, I decided to wait until Nepal was officially open. Then, it would seem much more real. So, I'm happy to say that Nepal has announced that it will begin accepting applications for adoption. Our dossier is ready and, hopefully, will soon be sitting at the ministry in Kathmandu.

We have no idea when we can expect to hear something, but hopefully it will be soon. While we originally were hoping to adopt a girl, we have since changed our minds and are requesting a child of either gender. We didn't know when we selected a girl how lopsided requests for girls were. We just thought it would be nice to have a girl because she could play with our niece. Since this is our first child, gender isn't really that important. Plus, we now have a nephew, too.